


Noise

by shimako



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, Blood, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-25 12:32:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13834359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shimako/pseuds/shimako
Summary: Two long years have passed since the tragic war in Marineford. Luffy is left as a shell of his former self dealing with recurring nightmares and severe depression. [Warning: Implied suicide]





	Noise

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N:** Narration is strictly on Luffy's focus.

The days regularly began and ended with agony. The same horrifying scream would arise from his dry throat every morning without fail. The dreams still linger with him, haunting every living moment. He cannot forgive himself for what has happened. It was all his fault he was powerless to save him. 

 

It would take a couple of blinks for his surrounding vision to finally adjust into the blurred shades of red, peach, and grey. His numb hands trembled fully into his view before he began to process the horrid sight that lay below. A fresh, deep red liquid coated his wrists up to the tips of his fingers. 

Blood. 

The rest of his limbs felt detached and numb just as his trembling palms. His body was a solid stone engraved into the ground. The eerie silence generated a consistent ring in the ears. He instantly flinched into realization and mustered the strength to tip his head to face what was below him. 

He blinked, and a body with a torn-open chest was stretched out flat on the blood-soaked ground. The purple tattoo torn from the gaping hole was just barely distinguishable. His head continued to throb as his eyes rapidly scanned the scene. He began identifying more crucial details such as the unkempt black hair, the bloodied letters crossed out on the arm, those bright eyes he had seen once before... 

" _Ace._ " 

The familiar nightmare-inducing sight of blood and freckles pulsated into his brain. His pupils dilated. The soft ringing increased louder, and louder, and louder until it was an ear-piercing whistle. The ground surrounding his knees began warping. 

" _Ace?"_

He awaited a response. It's not like it would make much of a difference, the constant ringing would drown out any sound one of them would make. His eyes stung like needles. He mustered the strength to lift his head and look for any sign of help. If someone, anyone, could do something to save his brother or at least make this horror end. 

There was no one. There was nothing. Just a never-ending abyss. The light that brightened his life has now blown out. The fire that warmed his heart is now extinguished. Everything was so _cold._

As he stared into the darkness, his stomach turned upside down and his mouth quivered. Tears escaped from the corners of his eyes and gushed out like an open wound. His breath heaved and his entire body rocked with chills. Unmoving eyes locked onto the red ocean sticking to his entire hands. Loud, uncontrollable sobs rose from his mouth. He is unsure where he is, who he is, and what is life and death. 

Frozen, bloodied hands finally broke into movement again and was thrown over his eyes. His fingertips began smashing into his eyes in an intense frenzy, tears mixing with the blood and flowing out between both of his hands. His heaves and his sobs grew increasingly louder and a scream escaped from his lips. His shaking hands hastily grasped a handful of his hair and began pulling. His screaming only momentarily stopped for a gasp of breath, then began once again. 

His mind was just empty. His sense of direction and stability shattered, all of his thoughts are nonexistent. The pulsating ringing was finally drowned out by his agonizing screams. Fingernails scraped into his scalp, drawing slight blood as his grasp grew tighter. His out-of-breath screams slowed until his tone changed. High-pitched, blood-curdling screams arose and bellowed out into the surrounding air. 

He can't hear himself think, he can only hear his brother's last few words to him. A static-like sound fuzzed throughout his ears. His body began losing all strength, falling onto the ground as the world turned sideways and into complete blackness. 

 

He would awaken with skin draped in heavy sweat, vision blurred by tears, heart beating rapidly, and body shaking beyond control. It was difficult for him to steady his breathing. He realized it was already late in the morning as he blinked sunlight out of his baggy eyes. 

It was just another normal day. He would lift his aching bones out of bed, dry away his forbidden tears, and put on the same mask as always. It wasn't an option anymore. He _has_ to put on a brave face for his nakama. 

Although, often times his concealed thoughts haunt him towards the end of his stressful days. He spends his time spacing out into the crystal depths of the ocean on top of his favorite spot on the ship. 

Sometimes he wishes he can see the vibrant colors of the ocean once again. The vast ocean is one of the many things he desired to immerse himself in before the beginning of his adventure. Now, the infinite indigo hues of the sky and ocean is just colorless. Sometimes he wishes his empty self could sink into the colorless ocean and be dragged down into the depths. 

Other times, he just sits there loathing in self-pity. He is thankful more than anything his nakama was still alive, but also the fact that they forgive him for not being able to protect them. He was excited to see them again after two long years, but he was also anxious over the thought of his friends hearing the news of Marineford. He believed all of them would hate his guts for allowing all of these disasters to happen, and he was _absolutely terrified_ of being left alone again. 

His scolding would frequently echo in his head. _Strong enough to protect them? That's a load of bullshit._ He _can't_ stay in loathing like this. He has sworn to himself countless times he should be strong and protect his nakama, otherwise who else can? 

Days would continue on just like numbers. Acting ignorant to everything was always his first cover-up. After all, who would expect anything else from him? A simple laugh and a slight smirk was enough for his crew to believe him. 

Unfortunately, he knows it isn't as easy to fool them. They have noticed his smile doesn't quite reach his eyes anymore, and he has as well. There is nothing left of his innocent spirit in his hollow black orbs anymore. 

Times when his emotions slipped were the darkest of days. By himself, it wasn't anything new to him. But when his mask is shattered in front of others and his fictitious wide grin disappeared, it seems as if all eyes are immediately directed onto him. He is human and is allowed to feel pain, but the last thing he wishes for is for others to see his ugly self.

The days would end with his aching body retreating back into the hellhole of nightmares. Half of him begs for these torments to cease. The other half of him begs for them to never end. At least, in his dreams they are still together. He wants to be by his side again. No, he wants to go to him. _And the only way is to leave_. 

 

In his current dream, he finds himself in a place with an endless ocean of black. His legs tremble, collapsing onto the ground into a fetal position. He covers his face with his arms and releases everything. No one will be able to hear. He doesn't care if anyone _does_ hear anymore. His sides heave as tears smear onto his arms. He sobs out loudly. 

" _I'm sorry._ "


End file.
